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Anonymous #1
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 I think I'm fading
#8366870 - 05/05/08 10:08 PM (6 months, 27 days ago) |
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From life, from people, from everything. I'm naturally a shy person, introverted and all that, but lately I feel like it's getting worse and worse. First of all I dont particularly enjoy being around people. Tonight i was with some old high school friends and i just made up an excuse to go home for no reason. Whenever I'm with people i want to leave, and the fucked up thing is that when i'm alone(which is alot these days) i find myself wanting to go hang out with someone, although i know I'll just get quiet and anti-social once im there. So i never call anyone, because I feel like I'm boring them.
I just sit there in social situations. I feel I have nothing interesting to say, not that it matters anyway because my conversation skills are basically nonexistent. I can make witty observations and stuff, but only as like....a 3rd party. I've been starting to think lately that I have a deep fear of intimacy, or a fear of being rejected. It seems to me that conversation consists of passively pushing your own ideas onto someone else,right, and they in turn respond and push an idea of their own back out. I have no problem listening to someone but when it comes to me talking I simply cant do it.
thats where my social anxiety stems from. I dont have a huge problem being around people but if i have to bring a piece of myself to the table its like all my synapses and neurons and shit simply stop working. My mind goes completely blank, i cant remember things, and i end up looking like a fool.
This is even happening with my closest friends, who i used to be able to enjoy hanging out with. I cant stand it. I'm fading into the woodwork and its my own doing. One by one all my friends are slowly becoming more like "acquaintances". ftw
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 weallsmoke
Rap god frombeyond the moon
 
Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 745
Last seen: 7 hours, 41 minutes
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yea i know what you mean im going through that too, I just wish there was a way for it to end all my old friends are gone and my new friends I dont really like. I cant find anyone thats really cool anymore 
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The Tourist
Stranger
Registered: 04/10/08
Posts: 124
Last seen: 7 days, 11 hours
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I wish I had more to say, but I feel pretty much 100% like you've just described.
Not knowing how we will turn out in a little while, how our lives will change, what we will have turned to short term and long term, how we will feel tomorrow, etc. can either be accepted and dismissed, and we can go about our day normally, or we can have this sense of despair and crippling self-awareness. We perpetuate our fears by acknowledging them constantly, and it only leads to more despair and a feeling of being lost at sea.
Just have faith in yourself as a human of this earth and this life, and know that you will be taken/ take yourself somewhere whenever it is right for you and whenever you let yourself. Embrace the mystery of what's coming tomorrow, next week, in the next 6 months.
I definitely feel you here, I've feel lost and fading very often for the past few months now.
I think trying to practice judging yourself less often and less harshly can do wonders. It frees you to go where you lead and endure the pain and hardship without losing faith in yourself.
Just try to remember that you're not really lost at sea, it just feels like it.
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Fruitboot
Stranger
Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 296
Last seen: 1 day, 4 hours
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You won't ever get good conversation skills out of the blue.
If you really care about changing, you have to put forth the effort of initiating conversation and putting yourself "out there."
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 2,772
Loc: Plano, TX, USA
Last seen: 3 days, 19 hours
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 Re: I think I'm fading [Re: Fruitboot]
#8375376 - 05/07/08 10:42 PM (6 months, 25 days ago) |
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I feel where your coming from.
I'm most always very introverted. I run out of energy so fast around people. The other night I went to this party with my new grad school classmates. I had this flow of energy for awhile. Then quickly I can feel the stimulation plummeting, and I have no desire to talk to anyone. It feels impossible, and even if I make myself converse, it is so obviously feigned interest.
I know I've always been kind of weird and socially awkward, but I used to get really interested by other people even if I was nervous. It's like I don't feel anyone has anything to offer me anymore, though I know this isn't true. I know that life is not worth living without the pursuit of friendship, I don't know why it seems so hard right now.
Am I so absorbed in the world inside my head that I can nolonger connect to others?
I think part of the social thing with introversion is that we don't have this social 'suit' we can put on in public. Hell I feel like a different person every day. Sometimes I wake up and I'm a carefree 24 year old that just wants to meet girls and go swimming... sometimes I'm the depressed guy with an all too confusing past, sometimes I'm pissed off and angry at the world for reasons I don't know, and sometimes I feel nothing but emptiness which can either be good or bad.
I think that right now, if you as a severe introvert, base your identity off of your relationships with others your going to continue to feel this "fading".
So my advice to you would be to naturally turn inward towards yourself and re-examine your intention and desires. Take an honest look at yourself, you may find alot more excitement and intrigue than you thought. Stay true to yourself, and rebuild yourself. Make a big lifestyle change, do something drastic for a catalyst, shake things up.
I felt that crippling fading feeling and decided to move halfway across the country, where I have only a few acquaintances at school. I really dont know anyone here and its caused me to seriously take another look at myself and everything.
I still feel awkward and out of place alot of the time but its nicely mixed with excited feelings of moving on and doing different things
oh another note on the conversation-making. something that helps me is to remember to say things for the enjoyment of saying them. you can't question whether its the right or wrong thing to say.
hope you thoroughly enjoyed this response
good luck man.. dont worry it only feels like your fading, you aren't, actually.
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be your true mind
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Ginseng1
Elegant Universe
Registered: 09/02/04
Posts: 2,238
Last seen: 10 hours, 36 minutes
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Re: I think I'm fading [Re: Grav]
#8375450 - 05/07/08 11:06 PM (6 months, 25 days ago) |
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Hmm.. sounds like you need to express yourself outwardly to your friends in a focused way.
When bringing your ideas to the table, don't think about your ideas and how your friends react. Focus on the idea, and lay it out, and be honest with yourself and what you believe. You're not a stupid person. Sounds to me like you think inwardly too much, but not from your perspective, but that of which you perceive a friend or 3rd person would think about you. Stop doing that!
You'll be just fine, man! Get out there, go to some parties, have a couple drinks if you like but really just try to start expressing your ideas and beliefs to friends and such... then you will see that the interesting person you KNOW you are inside, can be seen by others aswell. Just focus on connecting your interesting toughts with your words and let it flow outwards. Don't let thoughts about what is outside of you (such as peoples thoughts about you when you are speaking) seep inwards and trip you out!! Fuck it if people judge you! Atleast you will know that you are real to yourself, and that is all that will ever matter.
Hope that helps/ made sense!
Edited by Ginseng1 (05/07/08 11:09 PM)
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ZackWyldeFan
Stranger
Registered: 11/27/06
Posts: 111
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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lol, you just described myself. I have the same exact problem. like the second poster, a constant dispair. not of my fears but of the horrible path that everything is taking in this world. it makes you deader inside, almost to the point where you cant pull out of it.a constant emptyness lingering over you. mine comes from past experiences, and where we are headed. I too draw a blank every time I talk with people, alot of the times I end the convo. with silence. I cant stand being around people but when im alone(all the time) I wish I had people to chill with. i spend most my days in isolation, since I quite my job, im alone all day and night. it almost drives a person insane.
there was a time in my life when i truly beleived human beings were perasites, nothing but a disease or virus raping their surroundings(still do).
Edited by ZackWyldeFan (05/08/08 10:52 PM)
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shaggy101
in love with a8000 mile widewoman
Registered: 08/16/00
Posts: 1,766
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 4 months, 17 days
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hey Anon,
First off great advice from everyone^^^^
I liked Gravs= "shake things up"
but maybe your a lil
more
evolved than most?
unfortounately it does seem that often( not always ) but often
the open, intelligent, and often IMHO most interesting of us is afflicted by this same feeling
or -effect-
you speak of.
reccomendation,
dont ditch your old friends, keep social, but dont worry bout dem either,
on the other hand
make new friends
whether in your local .. or ..online!
make no mistake the Earth is changing,
and
life is hard,
but you are awakening,
sometimes part of this awakening is suffering,
and a feeling of being alone
..fading?
yes you are fading,
fading from the superficial
fading from a program of self destruction.
although it may seem the opposite,
I dont think so.
I know from experience awakenings can be slow and painful
with many ups and downs,
but have faith mang,
try and say fuck it! more often,
dont be afraid of shit,
remember, we are like the traveler who left home so long ago that we remember not where we came from or where we go,
yet the heart never forgets.
PM me anytime for any reason.
mush love and light to you friend!
peace and shroomyness
Edited by shaggy101 (05/09/08 02:55 AM)
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recycledsoul
Stranger
Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 54
Last seen: 4 months, 23 days
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Re: I think I'm fading [Re: shaggy101]
#8386618 - 05/10/08 07:11 PM (6 months, 22 days ago) |
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So fade
Fade, fade fade fade
are you still there?
fade some more... fade fade fade
whats left? is only the real left?
fade fade fade, into the beautiful center within you where lies true happiness
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Listen to what the universe wants you to do, be happy
listen to what the mind wants you to do, be miserable
just be Here. Reality as it is, dont change it as you would like it to be, just observe, no repression, no expression
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