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 imagine
Random Shroomerite
Registered: 09/24/05
Posts: 355
Last seen: 2 hours, 20 minutes
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 my obsession with having a girlfriend
#8415424 - 05/18/08 02:52 AM (6 months, 15 days ago) |
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well...i'm not gonna make this a really long post. drank a few coronas and have been debating on this topic for a few now.
anyways, through out my ENTIRE life i've had girlfriends. i'm not trying to act as if i'm a "pimp" and get a lot of girls, but i've always met someone and started dating off the bat. i can honestly say this is the longest i've been single for as long as i can remember - 5.5 months.
i love connections. i love being on the same page as somebody; especially a girl who i have feelings for. i love being in social situations with a girl and knowing exactly what she thinks (well not EXACTLY) and knowing that she has my back as well and has an idea of how i think. i love having somebody i care about to call whenever i feel like it and text message (like actually WANTING to text message), or e-mailing and telling her how much she means to me. i've only been in love once - and i still think about her everyday. not in an emotional way necessarily. i just think about her and replay our memories every now and then. she dates guys and completely shuts me out and we don't talk until she's single again. but that's besides my point. (or maybe it IS my point?)
let's get down to it, everyone tells me that if i am patient and work on myself as being single i will eventually meet somebody who is right for me and all will be well. i don't NEED a relationship. i WANT one. i'm not going to settle for something i'm not completely confident about either. it's like i'm impatient but picky. it's hard to explain. i've had many chances to get close to somebody but i've decided against it because i wasn't 100% feeling it.
basically i just want a girlfriend. i want to be in love! is that so wrong?
some replies i'm looking for are people who can relate. perhaps tell me how long you've been single and how was it? wasn't it lonely?
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 two_rivers
mmm..
Registered: 02/03/07
Posts: 327
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Re: my obsession with having a girlfriend [Re: imagine]
#8415478 - 05/18/08 03:56 AM (6 months, 15 days ago) |
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spending time being single is crucial i think. now you have the room you need to grow, you are free to stretch out your branches into sunnier sky. it seems to me though you have mistaken love for a relationship. if it's a relationship you want, i doubt you'll have to wait long, but if you WANT to be in love, i think it could be a while because wanting and loving seem polar to me.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
 
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 7,273
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 17 hours, 55 minutes
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Re: my obsession with having a girlfriend [Re: imagine]
#8415511 - 05/18/08 04:53 AM (6 months, 15 days ago) |
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I don't understand where you're trying to get at, and what (or who if not you) makes you think that wanting a girlfriend isn't so good.
The way I see it, it is only a problem if you're obsessing over the thought of having a partner, and to be honest, I think you do this in a way. The fact that you're thinking about your ex, getting emotional because of her attitude is not really good for you. All the time the you are spending thinking about the past or desiring things that you don't currently have, disconnect you from the pulse of life and what this moment is to you. If you can't enjoy your current state, any way it is, then your chances of being happy are low.
Quote:
let's get down to it, everyone tells me that if i am patient and work on myself as being single i will eventually meet somebody who is right for me and all will be well. i don't NEED a relationship. i WANT one.
In the way you said it, I don't see absolutely no difference between NEEDING and WANTING. You're still engaging into an obsessing behavior, you're still not satisfied and in tune with your current state. This makes you live a constant internal conflict, as a result of this internal conflict there are high chances are that you're becoming a bad company to yourself, and automatically to those around you. So yes, working on yourself as being single, besides making you accept and know who you are, will also help you become a better and more pleasant company for when you'll be in a relationship. 
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This party is old and uninviting
Participants all in black and white
You enter in fullblown technicolor
Nothing is the same after tonight 
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imagine
Random Shroomerite
Registered: 09/24/05
Posts: 355
Last seen: 2 hours, 20 minutes
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Re: my obsession with having a girlfriend [Re: MushroomTrip]
#8417285 - 05/18/08 05:09 PM (6 months, 14 days ago) |
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Wise. 
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BoneMan
Shrimpin ain't easy
Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1,280
Loc: new new england
Last seen: 9 hours, 52 minutes
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Re: my obsession with having a girlfriend [Re: imagine]
#8417943 - 05/18/08 08:10 PM (6 months, 14 days ago) |
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Thats something I think about a lot. A major issue in my life. I've been single for over a year now. I'm usually single for about a year between girlfriends. Not by choice, thats just how long it takes to find a girl I like thats single.
I don't mind being single at all, for a while. But after a year without any affection or intimacy in my life it gets really lonely and it hurts bad. Its amazing how essential physical contact of some sort is to my sense of well being. And its amazing that no matter how many friends and family members I have in my life, without any close or intimate relationships I feel completely separate and isolated from the rest of society.
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YawningAnus
Got the GayDHD
Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 10,195
Last seen: 17 hours, 52 minutes
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Re: my obsession with having a girlfriend [Re: BoneMan]
#8420990 - 05/19/08 05:36 PM (6 months, 13 days ago) |
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I was officially single for about 4 years. lots of one night stands and fuck buddies... but no one I would spend my one phone call from jail on.
about 6 months ago, I took the plunge and started officially dating this girl. Now, it is a pretty solid relationship, lots of healthy sex, we make each other laugh, and zero drama or games.
but I thought about it the other day and realized that I was generally happier being single.
when I was single and think, man it would be nice to have someone to watch a movie with and go on vacations with... I would beat off and go back to playing the playstation 3 and be ok.
now that I have a girlfriend, I really enjoy our time together, but I work sooooo much and our schedules really only allow for her to spend the night once a week or so.
So I am finding that shit is getting bi-polar-esque because I am elated when we are together, but after a few days of not hanging together it gets frustrating.
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Image from: The Cremaster Cycle, by Matthew Barney
icelander: I remember this big yellow firey ball up in the sky. It was scary because it disappeared all the time and we had to dance naked and fuck all the women to bring it back.
YawningAnus: Those were the days
"if there's no such thing as evil, then what are evil spirits then? and don't turn this into a debate on the existence of evil spirits, let's just assume they exist for this argument. "
-Porcupine
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 13,826
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Ca...
Last seen: 12 hours, 24 minutes
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Re: my obsession with having a girlfriend [Re: imagine]
#8421484 - 05/19/08 07:39 PM (6 months, 13 days ago) |
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I've never met a peaceful, balanced person who hasn't spent a significant amount of time being single. When you are single you learn how to establish a way of life for yourself. There is a distinct sense of freedom and independence that you have when you're single. In a relationship, it is really hard to be entirely yourself because you are always stopping to consider your partner's opinion.
If you're like most others, you don't want to say or do certain things around your girlfriend. Not because you think they are in violation of your own values, but because they are in violation of her values and you want to avoid an argument. "Oh we can tell each other anything," some couples like to say, but this is never entirely true. Everybody has parts to them that will never be shared with anybody.
I know plenty of people who go from one relationship to the next, and they tend to be needy and lack self-esteem. This is just my own observation, I'm sure it's not true of everyone. But really, how could someone so successfully avoid singlehood unless they are genuinely afraid of it?
I've spent maybe three of the last ten years in relationships. I love physical affection and emotional closeness with somebody else, but I am convinced that time I have spent single has been more beneficial to my personal development than time spent with a partner. As a single person, you can't help but look at yourself through your own eyes, without getting most of the feedback from a particular person.
Yes I have been lonely, but I've also been lonely while in a relationship.
You may eventually find that two people are never completely on the same page. Your page is yours alone, and it's the only one you will have. Life is a solo trip, it really is.
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-oOo-
"My children," said an old man to his boys scared by a figure in the dark entry, "my children, you will never see any thing worse than yourselves." As in dreams, so in the scarcely less fluid events of the world, every man sees himself as colossal, without knowing that it is himself. The good, compared to the evil which he sees, is as his own good to his own evil.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Spiritual Laws"
-oOo-
Edited by WhiskeyClone (05/20/08 06:51 AM)
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 10,379
Loc: PNW
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Re: my obsession with having a girlfriend [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#8422004 - 05/19/08 09:18 PM (6 months, 13 days ago) |
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Quote:
I am convinced that time I have spent single has been more beneficial to my personal development than time spent with a partner.
I agree 100%. I would add that spending enjoyable time alone also lessens the desperation for company. When you know that you can be comfortable, and even happy, when you are alone, you approach relationships very differently.
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No man is free who is not master of himself.
~Epictetus.
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 2,772
Loc: Plano, TX, USA
Last seen: 3 days, 19 hours
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Re: my obsession with having a girlfriend [Re: Veritas]
#8425906 - 05/20/08 08:39 PM (6 months, 12 days ago) |
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Since I was 17 I've usually had a girlfriend, except for a couple dry spells, one of which I'm in right now.
It sucks because when I'm single, I start thinking about girls alot, but when I get with one, I start to feel suffocated, like now there's this person I have to devote myself to, be cheerful around, etc. And eventually (after the sex turns into a routine) I just want to be on my own again.
From this I arrive at two conclusions.. one, I haven't met the right girl that I would honestly want to spend time with and share secrets with, and who would seem like a blessing instead of a mental chore.
The second conclusion is that I am very introverted and do not trust people in general with my feelings, always turning relationships into weird conflicts I can't very well describe.
Anyways, as always when I am alone, I continue to learn more about myself and what direction I want to move in.
One of my fears is hooking up with a girl out of loneliness and then having a child come out of that. I don't want that.
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be your true mind
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