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 Adom
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 10,813
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 I don't know?
#7556389 - 10/24/07 06:34 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I feel like dying, not really, but almost. I don't need anyone feeling bad for me and I'm not looking for any sympathy. I had a bit of mental/drug trouble last jan-march. It really wasn't out of hand but it bugged me that I let a chemical become so dominating in my life. I had my first battle with suicidal thoughts and nightmares. It wasn't much fun but I kept my job and not many people noticed anything wrong with me and I was a new man by May. I'm still not sure if it was the drugs that caused my severe depression or not. It could of been escapism thru drugs making matters worse.
Since May I've taken better care of myself than any other period of my life. In the last month I've had a terrible time sleeping and my sleep is plagued by nightmares that are so bizarre I wouldn't dare share one with anyone.
It's starting to become serious, as I feel like there's nothing worth living for one moment and nothing worth dying for the next. I can't get my office work done at all because my mind jumps everywhere, physical labor is all I'm good for lately. I have nothing but hate, anger and rage in my eyes when I'm around people, I do not like many and when I'm forced to confront someone, I'm usually not pleasent and that is not at all like me.
I guess what I'm asking is if I should seek medical attention?
How bad could it get before one finally makes the call?
I'm already sitting here asking this on a message board, maybe I should pick up the phone. Maybe not, perhaps I should just grow the fuck up and stop feeling sorry for myself?
Edited by Adom (10/24/07 07:40 PM)
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 ChiefGreenLeaf
Cherriest of All Humans
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 743
Loc: Pineal Gland
Last seen: 7 days, 10 hours
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Adom]
#7556509 - 10/24/07 07:06 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I feel the same way. I just don't enjoy being around people anymore. I am taking a LONG braek from weed, just because it might be contributing. I know what I want to do to be happy, but all these dumb fucks around me and my current situation just make me feel miserable. Most of my free time is spent sleeping becuase I really don't see the point in doing much else. I know this will pass though. I am both pessamistic and optomistic at the same time. Oh well...
My advice to you is to make a list about what bothers you. Then try and get one thing done off the list everyday. If you can't make a list then I would suggest looking in to some St. John's Wort and 5-htp. If those don't work then go see a doctor. Be sure you are living healthy. Most deppression is caused by nasty living habbits, IMO.
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ABSENCE OF EVIDNCE IS NOT EVIDENCE OF ABSENCE
A man said to the universe:
"Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the universe,
"the fact has not created in me
a sense of obligation."
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Adom
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 10,813
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My body feels good, my mind is rattled easy. Insomnia has haunted me for years.
I need to figure out a regular sleep pattern.
I may try this list thing but I fear it could either be long or extremely short.
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filthydee
Registered: 10/08/07
Posts: 61
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Adom]
#7557584 - 10/25/07 12:01 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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melatonin, taiji, chikung..meditation..stretch routine...yoga
pull yourself together, get on a program. get off the computer.
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Filthy
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Jorsher
Psychonaut
Registered: 08/28/06
Posts: 690
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 30 days, 6 hours
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If you smoke weed, definitely stop that like the other person suggested. I found that when I smoke it just intensifies my anxiety and negative thoughts.
Insomnia has always been around for me as well. When I was on Paxil/peroxatine it kept me tired ALL the time and that was it. Now I'm on xanax and although it does help me sleep I plan on quitting that soon.
Suicidal thoughts and depression have came and gone for years and years for me. I'm a lil worried about having 6000mg+ of oxycodone in my possession in case I have another "bad day."
Drop the drugs, find out what makes you happy, or do some physical crap to get your mind off things. I work 14 hours or more a day just to keep myself too busy for depression.
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5 shroom me!
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Toddo
Registered: 07/09/04
Posts: 4,042
Last seen: 5 hours, 29 minutes
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Adom]
#7557905 - 10/25/07 03:29 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I know you're going to be recommend all sorts of things to improve your mind frame, but I'm going to be the one to recommend you get some professional help. You don't need to be a fucking lunatic to pick up that phone and ask to talk with someone. Why not give it a try? Anything would be better then having shitty nightmares/bad thoughts.
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Shroomery Composition Contest
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Adom
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 10,813
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Toddo]
#7558118 - 10/25/07 06:43 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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It couldn't hurt and I have good insurance.
I don't spend but one-two hours a day online and it's always in conjunction with my work. I work 9 or 10 hours a day and keep pretty active. Drinking is my biggest vice, before I cut myself off last Saturday I was up to probably 30 beers a week and maybe a pint of whiskey a week. I smoke weed around 3 times a week and if I keep a stash around 1/4 is over a month supply. Other drugs come and go but they aren't used regularly.
(Part of my problem is I'm filled to brim with bullshit and sick of it all, last year I got off the road and returned to my home area, I live 25 miles from where I grew up and still put up with the shit I delt with in jr. high, it seems that way to me anyways. I've decided no social life what so ever is better than dealing with any of the people here.... Right-wing-know-it-alls.... Ya, ya, my own choice, in a short time I'll have enough money to move and this shit will pass.)
I got a good rest last night and had pleasent dreams, even went lucid. Hopefully I have a better day. I'm going to give it until next Monday before I call up a doctor and ask for advice.
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ChiefGreenLeaf
Cherriest of All Humans
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 743
Loc: Pineal Gland
Last seen: 7 days, 10 hours
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Adom]
#7558423 - 10/25/07 09:03 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Best of luck
--------------------
ABSENCE OF EVIDNCE IS NOT EVIDENCE OF ABSENCE
A man said to the universe:
"Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the universe,
"the fact has not created in me
a sense of obligation."
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Adom
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 10,813
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Today is going good, I'm going to pick up the 5-htp continue eating regular meals, something I wasn't doing for sometime, the food I was eating wasn't processed garbage though.
8 hours of sleep, regularly is a must for me I'm afraid, as much as I try to avoid it and think I can act like I'm 18, I just can't do it anymore, thanks for the tips and advice and I'm probably still going to talk to a professional, I know a couple personally so we'll see what happens.
(A couple weeks ago I got 14-16 hours of sleep in 7 days, not drug related, and I've been all screwed ever since.)
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Jorsher
Psychonaut
Registered: 08/28/06
Posts: 690
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 30 days, 6 hours
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Adom]
#7561612 - 10/26/07 01:33 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Hows the 5-htp working for you? I considered trying it out.
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5 shroom me!
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LordSenate
Terrorist Hunter
Registered: 09/15/02
Posts: 10,966
Loc: Outerspace
Last seen: 5 days, 20 hours
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Adom]
#7565151 - 10/26/07 11:14 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Should you seek medical attention?
Yes. Emergency? no, but definitely should get some help.
How bad could it get before one finally makes the call?
Really bad? The real question you should ask yourself is why should it get worse if you know theres a problem?
Honestly, no matter how shitty you feel FORCE yourself to think positive. It IS possible.
Find things that you enjoy to take your mind off the bullshit in life, it works for me at least.
As with thinking positive, when i got back from Iraq all i could think about is negative shit and i was always pissy, suicidal, just generally shitty. Kinda like how you sound. But after a while of forcing myself to think positive and forcing myself to smile, things got better. It sounds stupid, but it really does work.
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Adom
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 10,813
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Jorsher]
#7565523 - 10/27/07 01:36 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Jorsher said:
Hows the 5-htp working for you? I considered trying it out.
I haven't made it to the store yet, I'll be in touch though.
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Neon
Registered: 01/04/05
Posts: 316
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Adom]
#7566225 - 10/27/07 09:56 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quick suggestions, take the 5-htp early in the day, avoid taking at night. I took a dose about two hours before I went to sleep one night, and I had the most lucid, terrifying nightmare of my life by far. 5-htp is hell on some people's stomach's, mine included. This problem can be avoided by taking 5-htp sublingually, the taste isn't too bad.
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Adom
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 10,813
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Quote:
Shiveringly said:
I feel the same way. I just don't enjoy being around people anymore. I am taking a LONG break from weed, just because it might be contributing. I know what I want to do to be happy, but all these dumb fucks around me and my current situation just make me feel miserable. Most of my free time is spent sleeping because I really don't see the point in doing much else. I know this will pass though. I am both pessimistic and optimistic at the same time. Oh well...
My advice to you is to make a list about what bothers you. Then try and get one thing done off the list everyday. If you can't make a list then I would suggest looking in to some St. John's Wort and 5-htp. If those don't work then go see a doctor. Be sure you are living healthy. Most depression is caused by nasty living habits, IMO.
Listing annoyances, fears, regrets, etc... I find this extremely helpful, thanks a lot for the tip, it's funny how the simplest things can be so helpful.
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Adom
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 10,813
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Neon]
#7566448 - 10/27/07 11:19 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Still haven't made it to the store, I live in the boondocks, I have a nice drive before I can find a place selling that stuff, I probably won't make it until friday.
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Adom
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 10,813
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Adom]
#7616282 - 11/09/07 06:07 PM (1 year, 26 days ago) |
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Mania, Insomnia and Depression will not leave me, after a good experience last night, one of the first in a month and after the strange circumstances that filled my summer I've decided....
Dr. here I come, bye - bye drink and drugs.
Getting off meth was more fun that this and I'm not really abusing anything. I have had my days where I drank away an afternoon, popped a xanax, smoked salvia, enjoyed cannabis, etc.
I usually haven't kept it up until the point I felt out of balance. I'm just not myself and everyone around me knows it and I haven't anything left to explain myself.
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marz13
Unseen
Registered: 10/30/07
Posts: 138
Loc: Arizona
Last seen: 12 days, 14 hours
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Re: I don't know? [Re: Adom]
#7628794 - 11/13/07 02:28 AM (1 year, 23 days ago) |
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Do you exercise? 30-45 min a day will take the blues away. Go for long walks. Change your diet too. Maybe you need to relocate. Move to a different state or country. Also tune out the world and its problems. Turn off the T.V. and radio. I was once so depressed that I though I would never regain my strength again. I found out that exercising my body as well as my soul was a way to regain my strength. Put your self first always and only answer to your maker. I hope it helps. 
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