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 Hawkeye3
Stranger
Registered: 09/04/05
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Last seen: 10 months, 6 days
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 I'm so fucking depressed
#5141014 - 01/04/06 09:44 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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Holy shit.
So I stopped taking my zoloft about a month ago for various reasons. I haven't been this depressed in... a while. If it weren't for my brother and the love that I have for him I would off myself in a fucking heartbeat. So selfish.
I just basically have given up. My motivation is less than zero. I get nothing done anymore, am falling so behind in schoolwork, I want to drop out, I don't give a fuck, I just want to wallow in a fucking pool of my own self-pity and sorrow, every day like this I am falling farther and farther behind, and more and more depressed, I took a shower and cried three times, like a little bitch, you might think duh take your zoloft but I just DON'T want to take it. And I'm to depressed to even care anymore. So I know nobody gives a fuck but I just wanted to tell someone. Holy fuck.
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 MOTH
Who, me?
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 18,407
Loc: Bridge of Flesh
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5141036 - 01/04/06 09:50 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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I know that feeling. Could you choose to take a Zoloft, right now? I know you don't feel like it, but you might as well do it. It may not help right away but it couldn't hurt either. It could give you a boost which to be honest you sound like you really need right now!
And I care, otherwise I wouldn't have replied. 
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Hawkeye3
Stranger
Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 368
Last seen: 10 months, 6 days
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: MOTH]
#5141071 - 01/04/06 09:58 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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I could, of course, I just don't WANT to. My motivation is gone. Absolutely gone. Even the motivation to take a pill. I just want to get fucked up. And be a failure. And I didn't even make this thread to hear a bunch of people tell me how good of a person I am (no offense). Thank you for your advice, it does mean a lot, even though it shouldn't. I just
am so
fucking
BEAT
and stressed, 24/7, I have heartburn, I have absolutely terrifying dreams, it plagues me all the time, I feel lonely, overwhelmingly EMPTY. What the fuck, depression is the worst feeling in the world, I'm just going through my days like a spectre getting deeper and deeper into a hole with schoolwork. And I'll never catch up, thanks to my motivation problems.
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AniNator
Stranger
Registered: 01/03/06
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: MOTH]
#5141086 - 01/04/06 10:03 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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totally know how your feeling. It really sucks when your soo sad and depressed that A) you cry in the shower, that's the worst feeling ever and B) when the only thing that'll make you feel better is wallowing in your self pity. it like gets to the point that the thought of talking to someone about it or hugging someone just makes you want to cry more. It's such a hard rut to get yourself out of.
But maybe Ellemy is right. I mean taking that zoloft might not be something you want to do, but fuck when your this low how much worse can it really get? It's worth a try...
would asking you why you stopped taking them be prying?
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rogue_pixie
the cheeky nightsprite
Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,525
Loc: Ye Olde England
Last seen: 1 day, 8 hours
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5141107 - 01/04/06 10:06 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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It sucks. 
I have zero self-motivation too. I don't see the point in doing something purely for myself, I want to be with others.
Why are so many people completely alone and isolated when there's 6 billion of us on the Earth! There's no sense of community anymore, everythings on too huge a scale, they've got us all by the fucking throats and we're letting them bleed us dry.
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I'm a little monkey sitting in a tree, wouldn't you like to come on up and have some LSD?
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Noetical
Flip Horrorshow
Registered: 11/28/04
Posts: 6,292
Loc: Birth of the Cool
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5141108 - 01/04/06 10:06 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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Depression destroyed me. I tried to get through it on my own and it got to the point where I was extremely dangerous to myself and others. I felt like ending it all the time and wanted nothing more then to just feel nothingness upon nothingness.
Ask for help.
Tell someone, anyone close to you. It is so difficult to ask but you have too. It will put you on the path to being comfortable with yourself. You cannot do this alone.
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Baby Your Mind is a Radio
Got a Reciever Inside My Head
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Hawkeye3
Stranger
Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 368
Last seen: 10 months, 6 days
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: AniNator]
#5141117 - 01/04/06 10:07 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
AniNator said:
totally know how your feeling. It really sucks when your soo sad and depressed that A) you cry in the shower, that's the worst feeling ever and B) when the only thing that'll make you feel better is wallowing in your self pity. it like gets to the point that the thought of talking to someone about it or hugging someone just makes you want to cry more. It's such a hard rut to get yourself out of.
But maybe Ellemy is right. I mean taking that zoloft might not be something you want to do, but fuck when your this low how much worse can it really get? It's worth a try...
would asking you why you stopped taking them be prying?
If you want to know, it was so I could roll, see, I'm a pathetic drugged out mess and the only thing that makes me feel good is drugs. And now I'm stuck in a hole that won't go away even if I feel happy again. And it's my fault. My entire situation is my fault. I understand this. It's my fault I feel like this, and why the fuck would I want to live with myself, who the fuck does this to themselves, me, because I'm a fucking LOSER that fucked themselves for drugs and now I don't give a fuck enough to get better and the only thing making me feel better is rambling to a bunch of people online that I'll never meet because I'm too depressed to open my mouth or ask for help or do anything and on top of this my motivation is none and I procrastinate everything and then don't even do it.
I feel like I just want to, fucking break something. I want to smash evereything in this room and watch it burn.
I've got fucking problems. See, it's a neverending cycle of negative thoughts and I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO WASTE AWAY AND GET FUCKED UP!!@$
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FractalDust
Inspired by the mystery
Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 1,073
Loc: Back from Beyond
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5141128 - 01/04/06 10:09 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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Hey bro, the darkest hour comes just before dawn. Remember that. Peace 
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Dance, Trance, and Magic Plants
Thrills, Spills, and Sonic Pills
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Hawkeye3
Stranger
Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 368
Last seen: 10 months, 6 days
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: FractalDust]
#5141136 - 01/04/06 10:12 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
FractalDust said:
Hey bro, the darkest hour comes just before dawn. Remember that. Peace
I'm such a fucking mess reading that filled me with the urge to cry, in fact I am going to go lie down in bed and contemplate my life and my brother and my fucked up sitch and that quote and cry until I pass out. Keep the replies coming, maybe I will have something to wake up for in the morning holy fuck.
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AniNator
Stranger
Registered: 01/03/06
Posts: 1,511
Loc: New York
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: AniNator]
#5141160 - 01/04/06 10:18 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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i hear ya man... the only thing that i can say you gotta do is realize that the longer you do this to yourself the longer it's gonna last and the harder it's gonna be to pull yourself out.
The only thing that motivates me when i'm depressed is knowing that if i don't force myself to pull myself out, it's gonna get worse. God that feeling SUCKS! and you know you don't wanna feel that.
I say this think about your favorite moment in a song, think about...your favorite time of day, or... your favorite foods close your eyes. literally imagine them as if you're experiencing them. remember the small things in life that in passing would put a smile on your face and dissect it and elaborate.
i dunno if you even feel like hearing that... but that also helps me. Put on a Beatles album beatles always work too
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Terrapin77
PsychedelicStranger
Registered: 12/31/05
Posts: 704
Loc: Takin a wild ride on the ...
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: AniNator]
#5141248 - 01/04/06 10:34 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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Check your pm's
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We miss you Dark_Star. The Shroomery Loves Ya Brother. 
We miss you Syd
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Mcdoopy
Fungus Face
Registered: 10/24/05
Posts: 3,257
Loc: Varrok Center
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Terrapin77]
#5141313 - 01/04/06 10:46 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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Seriously man... if things are that bad for you... and you really can't get out of your own way...
Consider committing yourself.
May sound harsh, but it could save your life and your chance at watching your brother grow up.
I've been down those dark roads, and know how you feel. I stopped taking wellbutrin so I could drink more.
Talk to your mom or dad, or anyone that really cares about you and follow whatever advice they give you.
Also, lay off the rolls. Those will fuck up your emotional well-being forever.
Best of luck, and remember... Life is just a game.
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notapillow
I want to be afisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 20,500
Loc: A rare and different tune
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Terrapin77]
#5141317 - 01/04/06 10:47 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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dud eiv been there
on the edge
feeling like theres no way out
hang in there
it does get better  and as for motivation, hey take it one step at a time
maybe you should reasses what you WANT to do
if what you are doing now is not stimulating you to continue, then stop....and think 
take as much time as you like
we are always here
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Current status:
"...better off dead..."
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Mcdoopy
Fungus Face
Registered: 10/24/05
Posts: 3,257
Loc: Varrok Center
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: notapillow]
#5141336 - 01/04/06 10:52 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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You also should consider dropping out of school for a bit. Too much responsibility for a depressed person adds fuel to the fire. You need to have as little responsibility as possible on your path to recovery. Then take more things on as time goes on...
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notapillow
I want to be afisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 20,500
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 6 hours, 11 minutes
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Mcdoopy]
#5141392 - 01/04/06 11:02 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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meditation helped me alot
i know it sounds geh
but you might what to atleased give it a try
somtimes the best thing to do is nothing at all
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Current status:
"...better off dead..."
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Mcdoopy
Fungus Face
Registered: 10/24/05
Posts: 3,257
Loc: Varrok Center
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: notapillow]
#5141626 - 01/04/06 11:42 PM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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or take a vacation 
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DeathCompany
Oneironaut
Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 6,796
Loc: Somewhere in my head
Last seen: 59 minutes, 27 seconds
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: notapillow]
#5141796 - 01/05/06 12:21 AM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
notapillow said:
meditation helped me alot
same
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Death may be the greatest of all human blessings. ~Socrates
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Vvellum
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 10,920
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5141839 - 01/05/06 12:35 AM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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do you have any joy? music, maybe? art? traveling? find whatever joyful hobby you have and take to the extreme.
are you lonely? hit me up on the aim, if you want someone else to talk to.
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spudamore
Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Australia
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5141859 - 01/05/06 12:38 AM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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how do you think you become this way?
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suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem
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some1whoisntme
Stranger
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Re: I'm so fucking depressed [Re: Vvellum]
#5141875 - 01/05/06 12:42 AM (2 years, 10 months ago) |
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Hang in there man, SSRI withdrawals are bad news. If you stopped taking zoloft a month ago, the next couple months are going to suck. a lot. I just got over when I stopped taking Lexapro about a month ago. I tapered my dosage for 3 months, then stopped, and felt withdrawal for 3 more months. it sucked man but after you get over it you'll feel somewhat back to your normal self. There's always that rebound when you quit taking an SSRI though...Hang in there, though, There is light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. 
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"Ignore the distortion you're forced to percieve and believe that what supercedes is love, but who agrees?"
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