I just finished reading a lot of old messages to the
group and noticed that for the most part folks have been focusing on the heavy
dose end of the trip spectrum.
I am a writer and musician and have frequently wondered
whether VERY low doses could be useful in creating art. I find heavy trips
inspiring but too overwhelming for me to stay in touch with the muse.
So, after thinking about this for months and wondering
if anyone else would post a very low dose trip, I decided to do it for myself.
What follows is a very loosely edited account of the experience. Please excuse
the lack of narrative continuity.
========= The Account ==========
Woke up around noon (went to sleep around 3 a.m.) and had my usually morning
cappuccino. I decided that I would try a super low dose: 0.3 grams. If this
doesn't have any effect I will increase the dose next time.
As per usual, I was pretty slow about getting things
measured, etc.
Recipe: 0.3 grams finely ground stropharia. Tea bag of
Celestial Seasonings 'Sleepytime' tea. 1 cup water. 1/3 cup lemon juice. Let
these simmer together for 15 minutes or so.
Drank tea: 1:15 p.m.
I put on John McLaughlin's recording of 'My Foolish
Heart' to put me in a relaxed frame of mind.
I set up my 'light and sound machine' to a meditation
program and connected it to my CD player which I loaded with Keith Jarret's Koln
Concert. When the McLaughlin song was done, I put on the goggles and headphones
and started the machine up. (NOTE: the sound and light intensity were set very
low).
After a few minutes, I felt waves of relaxation flow
through me in light tremors. I wasn't sure if this was due to the mushrooms
(which I usually feel very quickly) or the meditation. I decided not to
interfere with the experience by trying to decide. If the affect was a placebo
affect, so be it.
I noticed that I was having much more vivid flashes of
color and seeing much more complex patterns that I usually with the machine.
Something like 'morphing' spinning multi-colored spider webs which turned into
patterns like the cracks that form in drying mud.
The program ended at about 1:45. I took off the goggles
and headset and just lay there relaxing for a few minutes. My mind felt
wonderful though my body was beginning to be a bit tense. Familiar body effects
for me on mushrooms. It was still hard to tell whether this was anxiety or truly
physical. I was very slightly nervous since this was the first time I had taken
mushrooms by myself.
When I went into the bathroom (which has a white tile
floor) a few minutes later, I noticed what I can only call an invisible fog at
the edge of my vision. I had an overwhelming sense that there was mist flowing
around my visual field, but when I tried to look directly at it the effect was
gone.
Back in bed staring at the ceiling which is a vaguely
textured plaster ceiling. On past trips, the most intense visuals were things I
saw in the ceiling. This times I noticed the fog again. I started thinking about
how rarely we give ourselves 'a day'. Time to think but without any particular
goal. A day where you have nothing that you need to accomplish no one else that
you need to please.
While I was thinking this, I noticed that there were
textures moving across the ceiling. If I let my gaze rest in one place, I would
have the distinct impression that the object was both moving and still at the
same time. All sharp edges seemed to have a moving quality as if the edge was
being constantly renewed by new matter coming into being at its edge and
immediately being consumed. I hope this makes at least a little sense.
All my thinking and vision took on a particularly joyful
quality. Vision took on that crispness that I've only experienced while
tripping. I was pretty certain that the mushrooms were having more than a
placebo affect. I started typing into my laptop computer and I could see the
letters forming and the cursor moving as if in slow motion.
My mind (which tends to be kind of multi-tasking with
occasional random threads interrupting the main flow) started making the kinds
of connections hand having the sort of flow that I associate with tripping. It
could in part be the result of my relaxed state, meditation, and having given
myself permission to not accomplish anything though I am sure that the spirit of
Teonancatl was with me.
Here are some of the random events, thoughts,
observations. Hopefully, these will be of some interest to someone besides me.
======= Random Thoughts =========invisible fog at the periphery of vision
gathering spots of warmth around eyes and the where
fingers meet
permissions we give ourselves - we don't often give
ourselves permission to do nothing. there is too much to do. too much to figure
out.
recreational flight
listening to the silence
saw moving rivers or graininess. is it the drugs? or
just that i am paying attention and letting myself accept as real anomalies in
my visual field
patience - why is it so hard to wait? why so hard to lie
there and really listen. really see. really feel with one hundred percent of
myself?
really listening to our bodies
expectation of beauty - how much does the expectation of
beauty impact our experience of it?
related thought: how much does our expectation of an
experience -- or even that we are going to have an experience -- contribute to
the experience itself.
openness to wonder - chidren are so open to the Wonder.
I definitely need to let myself open back up to the Wonder in the Universe.
such a confusion of joy
it is that point where we are directly experiencing
input - with no conscious filtering - that is impossible to capture with words
hallucinations so faint you don't know if they are
hallucinations.
the cursor jumps foward like a cartoon
why don't we let ourselves EXPERIENCE the beauty and
Wonder (with a capital W) more often instead of just commenting on it.
perhaps psychedelics leave open the part of our mind
which allows us to be held by Wonder which every moment is to an infant which
every moment is in a dream but which expectation and ambition and the need to
get things done kills in our waking time. Gurus are open to wonder and perhaps
this is why hallucinogenics are so superfluous to them.
so, if the plant has anything to teach us, if we can
truly learn its lesson then we will no longer need it. we will be open to
wonder. and be able to open our minds to it by finding a still moment and a
quiet wall to look at.
the importance of giving oursleves a day off. not to do
things. a day just TO BE OFF.
have you ever thought about the forest the tree came
from that made your dresser.
for most acts it is no more work to do it with care than
not. so why don't we?
why is it so hard to keep eyes closed
i constantly interrupt the experience to comment on the
experience
perhaps things go on in the background that we fail to
see because our focus is so insistently on the foreground.
the creeping of the water's border as it fills in the
empty tub. how many thousands of times I have started water running in a bathtub
with out seeing this.
the tiny tiny bubbles released from the lip of the
shining stainless plug through the coke glass colored water. the film of water
that sticks to the sides as the waves slosh.
the gathering of a drop of water on the tip of a finger
how it swells and flattens as we move our finger. gathering from a bulge of
flesh and gathering whiteness then clarity then reflecting the room and finally
released and joining the larger body of water.
listening to bach's violin concerto i noticed the
trailing harpsichord and felt sorry for it because it is doomed never to catch
up or outshine the violin.
[NOTE: bath at 3:30 p.m. Visuals -- which were never
more than a layering of textures or invisible obscurity of vision -- have worn
off though the edges of things seem crisp and the water beautiful. I feel very
faintly high -- though no less or more high than before. It is hard to tell if i
am high of hungry or tired)
By 4:30 the drug seemed to have worn off. Vision no
longer had that 'cripsness'. My body felt a bid weird. I felt a bit cranky.
HOWEVER, over the next hour as my body load wore off, I began to feel a
wonderful joyful afterglow as deep as after any heavy trip. This feeling lasted
well into the next days and I was much more productive on my current writing
project than I had been in weeks.
======= POSTSCRIPT =======
This was for me a very enlightening experiment, and I would love to hear from
others who have tried or will decide to try such an experience in the future.
Next time, I will do this without the intent to log the experience in a journal.
I think low doses like this can be a wonderful meditative tool -- using the low
dose to gently tip one into the realm of meditation. I think it will also allow
free flow of creativity for times where one is feeling stuck.
