I had been wanting to try shrooms for quite some time, and after doing lots
of reading and thinking I decided to go ahead. I wanted to make the set and
setting as comfortable and supportive as possible. Although most people would
think it foolish, I tripped alone. I felt comfortable doing so because I
have had several very good experiences with DXM. At about 12:30 AM I ate
6 fresh and four dried mushrooms mixed in yoghurt, a gram of vitamin C and
a capsule of ginseng extract (to help my cognitive function).
Nothing happened for over an hour, so, perhaps foolishly, I ate a few more
dried shrooms. Soon after I began to feel the skin on my head tighten, which
for me is a sign that Something is happening. I got in bed with my journal,
lit by the lava lite casting its red glow about the room, put on Beethoven's
Ninth Symphony, and closed my eyes. Soon I was visualizing the music in all
its richness and glory. I thought that the trip had peaked by the time that
it finished, but I was wrong. I put on The Cocteau Twins "Heaven or Las
Vegas," a personal favorite for altered states, and very quickly it seemed
as if my bedroom was transformed, if not visually then psychically (a poor
choice of words, but I lack the proper adverb) into a Temple, beautiful rainbows
in intricate patterns flowing around me. I perceived all matter as energy.
I laughed in joy, listening the songs in my headphones sound like glorious
hymns to the divine. I felt transcendent; I came to feel as if I were a Divine
Being, simultaneously myself and this other. I looked at my life, the loneliness
and pain that I have felt, and cried seeming rivers of tears, the sad songs
of the Cocteau Twins filling my mind with their melancoly. I believe that
this was the Peak of my trip, this feeling of godhood and utter compassion
for all the hurt I have ever felt. I also thought about my friends and family,
my love for them and gratitude for their sharing their souls with me, shaping
me into the person I am today.
Around six a.m. I tried to go to sleep but couldn't. This was frustrating
to me, as I did have things to do that afternoon and evening. Eventually
I gave up and went to watch t.v. I couldn't watch people; they seemed deformed:
eyes looked wrong, foreheads bulged in strange places. An ad for a childrens
game involving bouncing balls struck me as totally bizarre. Everything on
seemed wrong, like surreal photos. I found something to watch, though: Bugs
Bunny cartoons. I found them to be hilarious. I have always loved Bugs, but
then they especially seemed to be examples of the individual fighting the
forces of coercion and agression. On two different channels I saw the same
cartoon, which seemed deeply meaningful. Bugs tricks Yosemite Sam into climbing
into an oven, has a change of heart and tries to get him out. He discovers
that there is a party inside, and his parting line is "I don't ask questions,
I just have fun." I accepted this, but I was left with a lot to think about.
I must say that this was the most moving and in many ways "religious" event
in my life.
