Names and places will be disguised for
security purposes ;D
Warning: Language filth
12/14/09
It was a Monday work shift and a
relatively easy one at that 4pm-9pm. Prior to this I had a discussion
with my friend Bob about getting messed up on some type of illegal
substance. We had come to the conclusion of psychedelic mushrooms and
he knew just the guy. It was sometime after 9pm when I called him,
but the guy he knew wasn't as reliable as thought, so he asked if I
wanted to hit a field that we had hit many times before hand. I
gladly obliged and told him to pick me up when I had some hot food in
my stomach. I called him when I was ready and he stopped by a bit
later. At first we had a hard time finding the spot, but after awhile
we started to recall the buildings and scenery and found our way back
to The Rabbit Hole. On the way down the road we passed by a car and
even though it is a road people travel down often we thought that car
came from The Rabbit Hole with our bag full of merriment. We arrived
at The Shack and for some reason this night it looked quite dreadful.
I was paranoid about leaving the car in such an open spot behind The
Shack so Bob improvised and parked it in the graveyard. Which made us
all the more paranoid. We started off in Nigwood by Trailernig. I
couldn't seem to find anything, but shrooms that had already been
tipped over which gave me the feeling that we were a little too late.
After scouting Nigwood I came out empty handed, but Bob found one
flourished cap. Outside Nigwood most of the fields were transformed
into swamps and for us they were cock blocking our shrooms, so we
hopped a near by fence and made our way around. We checked the main
field into The Rabbit Hole and came up shroomless. Hope was at an
end. We had 3 shrooms in the bag. One was beautiful, one had white
gills which we kept because we were desperate and made ourselves
believe it was good, and the last one was ugly and uneatable even for
the most hardcore shroomer. We actually named it **** ****** it was
so ugly. Depression started to rise as we walked back to Bob's car
and then suddenly an inspiring sight. Another fully flourished
mushroom was at our feet. I told him we should stop being pussies and
check the entire field and that we did. After it was all said and
done we had at least a half an ounce of shrooms ( we threw out the
useless ones.) All were grown in their maturity except for 3 tiny
ones that Bob had spotted, but you could tell they were potent by the
coloring of their gills. But we did not get out pure. Needless to say
I was covered in a mixture of cow shit and mud from my shins to my
heels and the stench carried with it. As we walked back to Bob's car
I flung out his knife weary of ThatTown boys to strike at any moment,
but then we reassured ourselves of the reality that ThatTown boys are
completely afraid of fighting and are probably reading high class
books at Books-A-Million while drinking five dollar coffees and
feeling cozy in their Hollister clothing. When we got to the trunk of
his car I didn't notice that I never closed his switchblade and just
put it in my pocket, but for good reason. I had fucked it up and the
button flew off somewhere. Probably from my paranoid act of ThatTown
boys trying to take our harvest. Bob was not upset in the least
though. He put the shrooms in the trunk of his car, but we were going
to sort them out so I went and got them. When I looked in the trunk
of his car it looked like a full blown murder scene with an open
knife on a towel. Before we left the car I was worried we might get
stuck from the rain, but he said if it did we would just push it out.
He's never worried about anything. But we didn't get stuck anyway.
Righteous, I thought. We started making our way back and decided to
get some drinks to wash down the shrooms with. We went to a gas
station near by which was said to be 24/7 on the window, but when Bob
went to open the door it was locked. He spit on it in disgust and we
left. We instead went to Gas Station #2 where I saw him jack
something out of the corner of my eye which I was worried the ladies
working there would see while they talked about the fruit cups they
were stacking. I got a Mug Root Beer and I don't recall what Bob got
but a beverage none the less. The lady that rung us up was very eager
to make conversation with us. Which I found ironic because she had
maybe four teeth in her skull. Which made me believe she saw Bob's
act of illegality. Bob got rung up first and he waited inside the
store for me which also made me believe that we were going to haul
balls. Leave it to Bob to run for a candy bar or a bag of potato
chips I thought. But I guess they didn't have a security system or
something. Anyway, we get in Bob's car and it turns out he took a
white chocolate Hershey's bar. It was king size which he made him
glad. We started back from Gas Station #2 and I asked Bob for a light
so I could prepare our meal from the bag of triumph. Leave it to us
to turn a car light on while going down a road at night time eating a
bag full of mushrooms I thought. I wondered how we should eat them
since I was having a hard time counting with all of them intertwined.
So I would get two mushrooms that were near identical and we would
both eat one. I never had mushrooms that were a wetness of this
magnitude and neither did Bob from the looks he made as we gobbled
them up. We weren't even tripping yet, but I laughed like we were
because of how harsh it was to eat them. He had the idea to use his
candy bar in the mix which helped him. We had eaten three to four
mushrooms in and I was getting full and Bob hoped this agonizing
feast was near over. Two or so more to go and we had finished.
Nothing but tiny pieces of former shrooms remained at the bottom of
the bag and neither of us had any desire to eat them. I told him we
could go to my house but dad was there and the last thing I wanted
was my dad up our asses while we tripped on mushrooms in the storage
building, so we went to Bob's river house. Which was a very homey
place, good to trip at. We entered and a strange, erry noise was
coming from the stereo system... country music. Bob said it just
randomly turned on. Twas odd. I sat down on his couch and was
observing the Johnny Cash picture in front of me waiting for
something trippy to happen, but nothing yet. We went into kitchen
area for a moment then back to the living room. He turned on the
television and cops was on. He didn't think it was the best thing to
watch, so he switched the channel to the weather station. We went
back into the kitchen I believe, then the living room again. And at
some point in time I could feel it, the mushrooms had karate chopped
my brain and I was tripping. The weather channel brought up a live
recording of the causeway. Then Bob was amped up about watching a
live feeding of the causeway on the computer and I responded with a
why and then he wasn't quite sure and said that I was right and it
was a stupid idea. Which we had a good laugh about for a WHILE. From
this point I'm not sure how accordingly the events went... just that
they happened. But I'll try to document them the best I can. I
couldn't seem to sit still at this point. Everything was all in
rainbow and moving wave fashion. I told him to remember the time 2:54
which was when I realized the trip had set in. I thought there was
some guy in Bob's river house and I told him and he said “You saw
some guy in the house?” And I responded “Yes, well not really,
but I did see him, but well he was in my head, but I thought he was
there and I was about to kick his ass.” “Yeah, your thoughts
don't have a right to come out of your head” “Yeah, fuck him.”
After that for a long while we were mesmerized by the floor and it's
abstract features. Sometimes the floor was like a blue board of
chess. Each square of blue had it's own pattern of something going
on. At other times the whole floor was a moving squiggle within a
spiral. Eventually, we went in the kitchen because Bob wanted to
check out what was going on in this live training room feed. I didn't
realize until later that it was three something in the morning and
our bitching about they're lazy work ethnic was meaningless because
they were most likely asleep. We went back into the living room and
he got a toy crocodile and started jabbing it in my face to try to
trip me out, but he had more fun with it than I did by the way he was
jousting. I pointed out this statue that resembled an African
American witch doctor in the corner by the television. I told him it
was creeping me out and he said it creeped him out even when he was
sober, so he put it somewhere behind the couch. A good while later he
showed me this pink rabbit with a huge penis on the stereo system.
The designer of the toy was really trying to make a point because the
penis was the size of everything else on it. I held it for a moment
and put it back on the stereo system. But as I sat on the couch I
felt as if the penis was getting closer and closer and trying to poke
my eye out. So I told Bob to put it with the statue, which he did. We
listened to techno. First Innocent Game ( club mix) by Felixx, then
Ballanation by No. 4 RMX. Bob turned the lights off to set the mood.
To my ears it was like starring up at a full blown moon with stars
crowding outer space and nebulas as far as the eye can see hovering
behind the stars. If that makes any sense at all to anyone who isn't
me. After awhile we came back to our senses...somewhat. Bob had the
idea to go riding in his golf cart. Which I thought was a terrible
idea. We got in the golf cart and I was worried we would wake up the
neighbors and wondered who actually road around in a golf cart at 3
something in the morning. He couldn't find the switch to turn it on
at first, but out of no where we started backing up and went wayward.
Even though we couldn't have been going over 15 MPH, it was quite the
adrenaline rush. As we drove I saw little lines making an aura in our
path. It reminded me of the lines they use in cartoons when some
action part is happening. On our way we saw two electric raindeer and
couldn't help but laugh. Bob went down some road that had a bunch of
houses and one house turned it's back door light on and we thought it
best to end our little adventure. We returned to the house and I
pointed out that he's the adventurous type that just doesn't give a
fuck and I on the other hand do give a fuck and want to make sure
that everything goes in our favor. For some reason I called him
Crocodile Dundee for being so out going and I don't even know if
Crocodile Dundee is out going to begin with. We went back into the
living room sometime later and in a very hilarious way that is
indescribable in words he held up the witch doctor statue with his
eyes closed, turned away, arms fully straight out in kamehameha form
pointing it at me. Which is quite possibly the funniest thing to ever
happen. We went back into the kitchen and Bob was intent on getting
caffeine in his system. He vigorously spoke while he walked with
swift movements about how he needed coffee, so he wouldn't be tired.
But I guess it was just the brink of his idea that excited him. He
was tripping hard and couldn't remember how to make coffee and I have
never had to make coffee, so I didn't know either. He started
shouting “Shit! Fuck!” Or something, so I instinctively unplugged
the coffee maker because I thought it was going to explode or start a
fire. After throwing away the coffee and coffee filter a minute later
he declared he remembered how to make coffee. I kept starring at this
ashtray in the center of the kitchen table imagining two silhouettes
smoking cigarettes. And right then and there I was ready to pick up
my worst habit after eight or nine days of quitting. Awhile earlier I
told him we should just go get in the spaceship ( car) for different
scenery though I enjoyed the vibe that was going on in the house. But
now I wanted cigarettes, but then I changed my mind again that it was
a really bad idea to drive. Bob said he was fully capable of driving
though, so eventually we left. But before we left I told him we
shouldn't because we couldn't watch the coffee maker because I don't
know how coffee makers work. After about four or five times of
reassuring me that the coffee maker wasn't going to burn the house
down we left to get the cigarettes. While we were driving I couldn't
seem to find the road, but nothing seemed bumpy so we were good.
About half way there Bob shouts “WE DIDN'T TURN THE COFFEE MAKER
OFF!” and I reply “ OH SHIT! TURN AROUND! SHIT!” and then I
realized he was just fucking with me and he said “Calm down, calm
down. I was just fucking with you because you were worried about the
coffee.” Sometime later and not knowing how, we arrived at a gas
station. I asked him where the fuck are we and he told me it was some
place near by. I kept trying not to laugh, so I could go buy some
smokes, but everything we said was hilarious. After a couple minutes
of not getting out of the car I started getting worried. And some
lady stuck her head out the window which worried me further. So I
told him we should go to a gas station far away where no one knew us.
So we did. Everything was going great until about this time. Bob was
on E about to run out of gas and he told me he had been on E all day
and my parents called me. My dad left me a voicemail wondering where
I was because I had to be at work in 3 hours. Which made my trip
change dramatically. I started getting worried that we wouldn't make
it to the gas station, much less work. You would think right about
now a cigarette would be great, but now I didn't even want one. Which
was good. But we got to the gas station and I asked Bob for help at
the pump because I couldn't do it alone. We put in five dollars
because that's all he said he would need. I almost got back in the
car when I forgot about the receipt part. I went back and the machine
said “ Would you like a receipt?” I pushed “No.” And it said
“One Moment Please... Thank You! Come Again.” And I thought to
myself why would it tell me to wait and waste my time when I didn't
want a receipt? After that I got in the car and we headed back. When
we got back to the river house Bob was making us some coffee. I told
him that I had to take a shit so lets not talk while I'm in the
bathroom ( which is right beside the kitchen.) He asked “Why?”
And I told him it would be weird if I talked to you through a wall
and he agreed, but we ended up talking anyway. From this point on we
referred coffee to joe. I put four cups of sugar in my coffee and he
thought that was quite alot wondering if I was going to drink that. I
assured him I wouldn't fuck with his sugar like that. It was around
five in the morning by now and I started contemplating how I was
going to get to work. Because time was not something I could cope
with right now. From then we just started talking about personal
things. The introspective part of the trip. In the end it turned out
like any other shroom trip. Starts off good times, shits and giggles,
and ends with the meaning of life, what tole it has taken on you, the
revelation you play, and what you should do to fix and make things
better. I asked him if throwing up was an option to help with my
pupil dilation and he said by the time we get to my house your pupils
will still be big. But I did anyway, just to see if it would help.
After talking for awhile again we lost track of time and by then it
was time for me to head home. As we were driving to my house I
checked my pupils again, still as big as craters. But then I realized
why should I even care. Life is too short to worry about things that
won't even matter in the long run of the scheme. About then we pulled
up in my drive way. And with a parting by the pounding of the fists
we went our separate ways.
