I partake in mushrooms for spiritual reasons. I also really enjoy the
past experiences I have had on mushrooms. I'm fairly sure these were
Cyanescens but I could be wrong as these were dried.
I
ingested them at 7:30pm and waited for them to kick in. My husband had
partaken the night before and he had a wonderful experience in the
realm of mathematics. I was eager to start my trip, I wanted to attempt
to think about specific topics I had questions on. It would be the
first time I had started my trip with questions in mind. Unfortunately,
(should have written them down) I do not remember the questions OR the
answers that came during my trip. I remembered scratching at my journal
in the dark with a pen, but I haven't decided when I want to look at
just yet.
So, I started to feel the heaviness descend on my arms
and shoulders. My husband was sitting with me and I told him that it
was starting. Nice closed eye visuals, lots of small blue drops with
bright red centers. They quickly became open eyed visuals. My husband's
face was morphing and becoming very Lionel in appearance, then his face
would shift back to a smooth no-nose face with very large eyes and then
back to his usual face. I talked and talked and talked(something that
has never happened to me on mushrooms before) and the more I heard
myself, the more I realized how very mad I was, just straight crazy. I
would think about one topic that I wanted to dissect and the revelation
would come to me so quickly, I would burst out in laughter. After some
time (I wasn't keeping track) my husband and I started kissing. Having
sex on mushrooms was very intense, very focused and extremely enjoyable
although I could not reach climax. My Husband fell asleep and I smoked
some cannabis and was thoroughly enjoying my trip. I had seen a framed
picture turn into a War Of The Worlds type of alien walking ship, and
it walked across my bedroom and then snapped back to the wall and was
the picture again (yeah, that was really neat). When I went to the
bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was melting and my
arms were melting onto the floor, I was good with that, I smiled and
went back into my bedroom.
I don't know how it started or when it
turned. But I was upset that my Husband had not been writing down my
Q&A session with myself from earlier. Maybe that was the trigger.
Maybe it was the pot i smoked, although I have always smoked pot during
trips in the past, without any ill effect. It actually seems to help
give me a reality check. Well, I my mind started wrapping itself on a
paradox. It was a Universal Paradox. I can not remember it now but it
was so great of a scene, I brought me to tears, weeping on my couch in
the middle of the night, begging for sleep. Its hard to remember where
it started, but I know that the only way I could get my mind out of the
paradox insanity loop was to concentrate on sleep. Some part of me told
myself that I was just an animal who happened to gain consciousness
temporally and all I needed to to was to lay down and go to sleep. Well
I went with that thought for a bit, tested it out to see if it would
cure my harsh moment. It was just way to false and I dismissed it. I
then something told me that I was the source of reality at this
moment. My reality was the reality of the world. Everyone who I knew
were manufactured by me. I was "God" of my world, so to speak. I was
horrified by that thought, but I tried it on for a moment to see if it
fit. The one thing that kept ringing through everything was how much I
loved my Husband and how much I didn't want to disappoint him by never
coming back to sanity. I decided that my intense love for my husband
had to come from a real connection, from somewhere. I then realized
that I was actually in a coma. My life, as I knew it, was a mental
manifestation while my actual body was in a hospital bed somewhere. My
love for my husband transcended that coma and it was what sustained me
to my body. I knew that something was very wrong with my "real" body,
that I was dying in that hospital bed. That I needed to sleep to save
my life. If I could just fall asleep in this world, I would wake up in
that "real" world and all this would be over. All the dreams I ever
wanted were true in that life and my Husband was just on the other side
of the veil. At that point, I decided a hot
shower would help me sleep. The shower was Great! It felt wonderful,
and even though I was anxious about my time running out, I couldn't
help but enjoy the hot water and steam. I eventually got out and went
back to bed with my husband. I woke him up and explained to him that I
knew that I was still high on mushrooms but I was completely convinced
that I needed to sleep or I was going to die. I told him that I needed
him to hold me until I fell asleep, and that he could not sleep until I
fell asleep. I sure do love my husband :D
He stayed up with me and
held me, telling me to be quiet and go to sleep, that I was going to be
just fine. After what seemed like an eternity, I told him that my
stomach was really upset. He got up and went to go get me some yogurt.
I took two bites of it and WHAM! I was back. All at once, completely
sane and sober. Well, I still had a body high but the visuals were
normal. My mind was reeling and all I could say was that I was down and
I was so very sorry to put my husband through that. I laid down and
went to sleep.
It was very humbling. I feel as though I took a ton
of ego into the trip by expecting to seek specific answers instead of
letting the spirit of the journey take me where I needed to go. I have
not done any mushrooms since but am planning to very soon (it's only
been three days since the trip). Wish me luck.
