I
had never really wanted to try mushrooms. I had grown up really against
drugs, but I had eventually tried weed and alcohol due to an
influential dreadlocked exboyfriend. Because of these experiences, I
was fascinated instead of opposed of drugs, but he had always told me
not to venture to new substances aside from those two things. He had a
bad trip off of salvia, and I didn’t like the idea of losing control so
until recently that’s exactly what I did – avoid all else.
Something
compelled me to try it. I figured as long as Mother Nature put it on
this earth, and people have been using it to explore realms of
consciousness, that it couldn’t be a bad thing. I have always just read
about the effects of other drugs instead of doing them out of
curiosity, but I had watched a documentary on ayahuasca and reread a
few clinical studies on how hallucinogens can positively affect the
view of others spiritually and generally, so mushrooms seemed appealing
and felt like a safe first try.
My
friend Abhi was a calm and experienced hallucinogen user, with an
appreciation for the metaphysical, so I figured he would be the best to
do it with. I didn’t want to be around the normal crowd I know who does
it because they are the kind of people who do it, take shots of 151,
and play tricks on each other. I didn’t want to use something so
naturally miraculous as a recreation but as a learning tool for
enlightenment and to experience new things. My friend Shiva had the
same mindset about trying it, so we drove over to my friend Abhi’s
place in Orlando and picked up these AMAZING chocolate truffles in mini
cupcake wrappers that his dealer finely cut the mushrooms in, and baked
them. I ate mine and it was far from bitter. I felt like Godiva should
have sold that to me for $5 or some ridiculous mall price. I think it
contained about half an eighth of mushrooms. I was really nervous about
it. I read a bunch of things on this site about what to expect, but I
still didn’t have the confidence in myself to think I wouldn’t have at
least some of the time engulfed in anxiety. I read reassuring things
here, but the potential bad effects stuck out in my mind. I decided the
best way to distract myself (and I suggest this to others if they are
prone to anxiety) is to talk constantly. I am not incredibly talkative,
even though I am a lot more open to close friends, but I forced myself
to talk and create an active dialogue. I’m very pleased with that
decision.
I didn’t have an experience like my sister and others psyched me up for. People
talked about moving patterns, visual and audio hallucinations, bad
trips, other worldly experiences, but I was very well grounded. I sat
in my friend’s room talking and smiling, keeping a brightness in my
heart, enjoying each second vividly. We listened to Telefon Tel Aviv
and The Glitch Mob, which sounded extraordinary with his sound system.
I saw a little bit of static or a look of fuzziness around my friend,
like a distorted aura, but it was friendly and that was really a
majority of the visual effects I noticed, aside from a bit outside.
This may sound odd, but it felt like I was in a softly warm, wooly sock
for like 30 mins. Lol that’s the best way to describe it. We stepped
outside around 7 pm after it stopped raining for the guys to smoke
cigarettes. I was very talkative and happy to be alive. The sun was
going down and the sky looked like it was separate, like a canvas of
salmon and orange colors - it was the background, the bushes and trees
were in the middle ground, and we were on a different plane, in the
foreground. It looked apart but together, like an artistic, real life
pop-up book. If you’ve seen the heaven scene in the movie What Dreams
May Come, the sky was vaguely similar.
We
stood and talked, but while we did, I had a tremendous feeling to walk
around and explore and enjoy the outdoors. I felt fearless and full of
personal freedom, which is the opposite of my nature. I loved standing
and experiencing life alongside my friends, but I also wanted to run
everywhere at once. I had a great reverence for life and nature, and a
silent, almost childlike appreciation for every micro and macrocosm in
my area, and I felt that I could even feel that oneness on a universal
level. We walked aimlessly around his apartment complex and down the
street. We were surrounded by the lights of the city and the
automobiles passing by. Abhi seemed to dislike it, but I was thoroughly
enjoying everything. I was just finding myself in awe of people and
what they created, all the people walking by, all the buildings people
built, all the cars we drive and just marveled at our species. Nature
and the fresh air, all the surroundings, I felt even closer to, and I
radiated love out to everything and felt like I got it in return. The clarity was beautiful.
We
walked back and watched this transcendent global tour-type documentary,
showing all these different cultures and world wonders, called Baraka,
which I suggest highly – whether u are on mushrooms or off of them.
It’s an amazing movie. I went through a wide range of emotions watching
it, and I felt like I was there in a human, collective unconscious
sense with all these people, and I felt I was a part of these world
wonders, and that I was in fact a miracle and a wonder, and so was
everything else. I felt deep sadness when I saw nature being destroyed,
and was mesmerized in a thrilling wonder at tribal cultures and almost
other-worldly naturescapes. The cinematography was phenomenal. I walked
outside to talk to my boyfriend while the guys went out to smoke again
(the tobacco smoke was overwhelming now for some reason) and he was
upset because he had just lost his job. Normally he’s the positive,
nothing-can-get-me-down, anything-can-be-solved type of personality,
and I felt for once like I understood what it felt to be that way. I
easily was able to accomplish that feeling, and tried to radiate my
positive energy to him, to be what he always is to me. It was pleasant.
My emotions were so powerful and deep that when I went to talk things
out with him I felt them with everything I had, without the normal
reservations u get as u age, and we talked about how we appreciated
each other and I felt a deep love for him, and for all things. I cried
and came back inside looking overwhelmed but feeling cleansed by that
rush from the talk, and from the entire night. We ate curry vegetables
and tofu, and I felt closer to these people, I felt such a permeating
friendship to have experienced something so beautiful with others, to
do the mushrooms without corruption, but with the aim for greater
things. This experience was not an average tripping experience, but it
was profound and enlightening, I felt so much oneness, such a deep
appreciation for everything alive or not, I felt dazzled by the
complexity and beauty of all the intricate systems that make this world
tick. That’s all I could have ever wanted from the experience. It’s
something I think everyone should try just to ground themselves, and to
harness unselfish feelings, to better oneself.
I
went home and my sister was bugging out, saying she was proud of me.
When I told her of my experience she seemed disappointed, and said she
saw bunny rabbits and all kinds of wild visuals that freaked her out.
That “man I was freakin wasted, it was awesome!” mentality. That is
interesting to me, but I think the importance of these natural
substances is for making yourself a better, well-rounded person. A
human, a living organism amongst other living organisms, not a detached
entity or a consumer. I would be more than satisfied to do a low dose
like this again, but I think I’ll increase it more and more each time I
do it, and learn whatever else I can about what my body and mind is
capable of, and what this mushroom and what the world wants to show me
through its influence.
This
may be drawn out, but I wanted to put it out there. I bet there are a
lot of people who are afraid to try it for the first time, expecting
the worst like I did. It’s a gentle beautiful experience if it’s shared
with people who matter, if you just focus away from those negative
thoughts. It’s really not hard at all to make it a legitimate,
positive, magical experience. It will change how u see things, and I
believe nothing is better than a little perspective. I suggest doing a
very small dose like I did if u are nervous, because it will almost
guarantee a positive experience (I can’t see how it could go wrong),
and that will ready u for when u are actually ready to let go and full
on trip. I think that these feelings that I was blessed with and the
richness of life I felt is something that was given to me as a gift, to
show me what I am capable of always feeling. How you live your life is
all about the mindset, and we can and should be invigorated by the
world, not deadened by it. Things don’t have to be so mechanical, so
“make-a-dollar, buy-some-garbage” oriented, and within social norms.
Being human is so much more than what we are handed in 2009.
Life is great. Happy tripping. :-)
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